


you'll die by the time you're 30

by devonthemenace



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Canon typical drug use, F/M, M/M, Whirlwind Romance, and he cries a lot, canon typical homophobia/slurs, canon typical language, dennis wears makeup, eventual chardee but it's not here yet as of chapter one, like i think dennis uses the f-slur one time and that's it, there's a sex scene eventually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2017-03-11
Packaged: 2018-05-28 20:22:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6343846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/devonthemenace/pseuds/devonthemenace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>macdennis highschool au, takes place starting spring of 1993 and ending in the beginning/winter of 1994.</p><p>eventual awkward teenager smut, mild chardee eventually I promise</p><p>based off my 8 tracks mix of the same name</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. white teeth teens

**Author's Note:**

> based off this 8tracks mix: http://8tracks.com/mamamicky/you-ll-die-by-the-time-you-re-thirty
> 
> this is my first work on ao3!!! it's also the first always sunny thing i've ever written so constructive criticism is always welcome but i am also a very delicate flower so kind words are nice too.
> 
> relatively short first chapter i apologize

It was the Spring of 1993 when Dennis Reynolds met Ronnie "The Rat" MacDonald. From what he could tell at first glance, the nickname was fitting. The kid was dirty. Like, really dirty. He had faggy-looking, greasy hair, a black eye, and a gross gap between his teeth. Him and his somehow dirtier friend both looked shifty and uncomfortably sweaty. If Dennis had a choice, he would've never gone to a kid like this, but it seemed like he was the only dealer in the whole damn place, so if he wanted drugs, he'd have to put up with him.

"Hey, are you Ronnie? Ronnie MacDonald?" The kid squinted at him, looked him up and down like he was making sure he wasn't going to pull a knife or some shit.

"Yeah. Well, no. That's my name. But people call me Mac."

"I've never heard anyone call you that. Ever."

"Shut the hell up dude! Charlie calls me that all the time, don't you Charlie?"

"Sure, Mac." The kid, who Dennis had only heard called "Dirt Grub" before now, piped up from behind him with an almost inhumanly high-pitched voice.

"Whatever, Mac. I hear you might be able to help me with something."

"Really? What?"

"I'm looking to make a little business transaction with you."

"What?" He squinted again, then it dawned on him. "Oh, shit dude, right! Drugs. Okay cool. I can do that. Just... One rule though."

"Huh? Mac, what are you-"

"Shut up Charlie. First time buyers have to smoke with us."

 

* * *

 

 

As it turns out, the kid isn't a bad guy. Sure, Dennis thinks, he's an absolute dumbass. But there's something endearing about him, hell, he might even call it charming. Dirt Grub isn't too bad either, even though he's definitely the weirdest fucking kid he's ever met in his life. They've only even had a dozen or so conversations, yet somehow, all of them have been about spiders. He told funny stories, though, and sometimes he sang weird little songs that made Dennis laugh, so he didn't mind having him around.

After about a month and a half of getting stoned under the bleachers with these two guys, Dennis had come to the conclusion that they were his friends, and that he actually liked them. And it seemed like they liked him too. Especially Mac. Sometimes when he thinks Dennis isn't looking, he'll just stare at him. He never says anything; he likes the attention, and it doesn't hurt that Mac is actually pretty handsome once you get to know his face. Sometimes when they're passing the joint around, he'll purposely let his fingers brush up against Mac's, just to see what the contact will make him do. Usually he just blushes and darts his eyes away. It's almost cute.

One day in the late spring, Charlie doesn't show. Mac mutters some excuse about him being over at his uncle's house or something, and then it's just them. At first, it's a little awkward without Charlie to fill in the gaps in conversation with weird noises or comments. Eventually though, they fall into a rhythm. Mac is a lot funnier than Dennis ever realised before. Most of his jokes are about women being dumb and bodybuilding stuff that he doesn't really understand, but when Dennis laughs Mac laughs back, so he indulges him. When Mac laughs, his head tilts back and his eyes go all squinty.

He laughs, and a piece of his hair falls out from behind his ear.

Dennis reaches out and tucks it back into place.

Mac swallows. His hand is still lingering on his cheek.

"Woah, dude," Mac says without moving away.

"What?"

"Are you like... are you gay?" Dennis laughs, and then shrugs.

'What? No. No, man, this isn't gay. We're high, right? So it doesn't count."

"Oh," Mac responds, as though it all made perfect sense. "Cool."

And then they kissed. They kissed for a while, all sloppy tongues and misplaced hands. Dennis would never admit it, but it was his first real kiss. He guessed it was probably Mac's too. When they finally stopped, they sat there for a minute staring at each other.

"The joint went out."

"Oh. Uh... do you want me to um... Here." Mac fumbles with his lighter getting it out, and once the joint is lit again, they go on smoking up like nothing had happened.

After that, every Friday night they stayed back long after Charlie had left just to make out under the bleachers. They would stand there and kiss until they weren't even high anymore and it was too cold to be outside. Dennis' favourite thing about kissing Mac is that in those moments, he can touch him anywhere and he never seems to mind. He runs his fingers along his cheeks, through his hair, over his stomach and up and down his back. He's surprisingly muscular for someone so skinny.

And if he starts to develop feelings for the kid, it doesn't matter, because he never says anything. If Mac stares at him like he's everything good in the world and kisses him like he never wants to let go, it doesn't matter. Because as long as they don't talk about it, it isn't real.

 

* * *

 

 

It starts to get real in the early summer. They stay back after a soccer game and get drunk together in the middle of the field, staring up at the stars and rambling on about anything they can think of.

"So... what I think is funny is that... Kevin Stocker is the short stop, right?" Dennis grumbles out a short 'mmhmm'. "So like. That's funny. Because he's like... Six feet tall. Isn't that funny, Den?"

"Sure is, Mac." Mac rolled over onto his side to look at him better.

"You doin' okay, Dennis? You look... thinky."

"That's because I'm thinking, man."

"Oh. 'Bout what?" Dennis sighs.

"I just... Those football guys are so cool. Did you see everybody in the crowd when Adriano made that first touchdown? They were worshipping him. I act like I'm the shit, but... The truth is, I'm kind of a loser. You and Charlie are my only real friends."

Mac takes a long time choosing his next words, pensive about what to say.

"Well... I think you're cool. You're like, the coolest person I've ever met."

"...Really?" Mac nods, and they just stare at each other for a while.

"Mac?"

"Yeah, Dennis?"

"Can I kiss you?"

"Yeah. Go for it, man."

So, he does. It's desperate, like he's suffocating and the only air in the whole world is in Mac's lungs. But it's slow. Maybe he thinks if he goes slower it'll last longer.

When they finally pull apart, Dennis is crying black mascara and eyeliner all down his cheeks. Mac reaches out and wipes the tears off his face with the sleeve of his clean white shirt.

"We should get you home. Come on."

The walk home is silent save for the sounds of their feet on the road. Some time along the way, Mac had grabbed Dennis' hand and interlaced their fingers together. They bump clumsily into each other as they walk, neither of them really sure how to walk and hold hands at the same time, both of them too drunk to care or notice. By the time they get to Dennis' front door, it must be two in the morning. A light comes down on Mac and illuminates him like he was an angel. In Dennis' drunken mind, he is one.

"Uh, thanks Mac. Are you sure you can get home okay by yourself?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

"Okay. Um, hey," Dennis grabs Mac's face and kisses him. It's slow. Gentle. Like nothing they'd ever done before. He pulls away and looks Mac right in the eyes. "For the record, you're cool too. G'night, dude."

"...Night, bro."

And just like that, there were feelings involved.

The next morning, he was only a little bit hungover. He was hungover enough, though, that it pissed him off immensely when his sister came squeaking in his room and drew the curtains.

"Ah, Jesus Christ Dee! What the fuck?"

"Get up, asshole. Breakfast is ready."

"What time is it? I've only even been asleep for like... 5 hours. Piss off."

"Oh trust me, I know how late you were out. You do know our porch light is motion sensitive, right? You're lucky you didn't wake up mom and dad, you shithead."

"Shit. You were up last night?"

"Yeah, I was. And before you even ask, yes. I saw you get all gay with Ronald MacDonald at the door. 'Oh Ronnie, you're so cool and handsome! Thank you so much for walking me home, please kiss me!'" She punctuated this with bad fake kiss noises. "Really, I'm not surprised that you're into dudes, but I was hoping you might get a boyfriend that wasn't gross. I mean, why would you date a guy who's nickname was 'The Rat'? That's a new low, even for you."

"Shut up. He's not gross. And he's not my boyfriend. We just... mess around."

"Sure thing, boner. All I know is, there's not too many dudes I know who kiss their friends like that. Or at all, for that matter. Now get your ass out of bed. Mom made Eggos."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10/08/16 - i did an edit on this chapter, I accidentally wrote "football" when talking about soccer because i forgot that these characters are american!


	2. bones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> macdennis highschool au gone sexual
> 
> aka "don't rip my asshole dude"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS IT this is the chapter with the awkward teenage sex
> 
> when i say awkward i mean AWKWARD. basically it is as realistically awkward as two 16 year olds losing their virginity to each other usually is.
> 
> also i didn't proofread this because i'm a garbage person what can ya do ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Two weeks later, it's Mac's birthday. Dennis finds out that his mom works the night shift and his dad is in prison, so he's going to be all alone today. He figures it might be weird if he didn't go visit him. I mean, they're friends, right? Why wouldn't he go visit him? He's just trying to keep him some company, it doesn't have to be anything more than that. He gets there at around 8, and when Mac opens the door, he throws his arms around Dennis and hugs him.

"Dennis! Hey, man! I didn't know you were coming over!"

"I wanted to wish you a happy birthday, man."

"Thanks. That means a lot, dude. Charlie was gonna come over but he had to cancel, so I'm actually really glad you're here. You wanna play some Super Nintendo? I've got Combatribes."

They go upstairs and play video games for a while on Mac's bed, sitting close enough that their knees touch. There's an unspoken rule between them that if no substance abuse is involved, there can be no physical affection. That way, Mac can act like he isn't really gay and Dennis can pretend he doesn't really care. When they get bored of getting their asses handed to them by Master Blaster, Mac suggests they do something else.

Something else turns out to be drinking a big bottle of Mountain Dew, eating a box of Tastykakes, and reading a huge stack of Adonis Magazines.

"Uh, what are those?" Dennis asks upon seeing the pile of taut and rippling dudes.

"Dude, it's Adonis. It's like a bodybuilding magazine. What else could it be?"

"I gotta be honest here man, it really looks like porn."

"What? No, it's just a regular magazine for dudes. So you can look at other dudes' physiques for like... inspiration. It's not gay. There's nothing gay or sexual about this." Dennis wasn't in the mood for arguing with Mac tonight, especially when he looked so excited to read his weird beefcake magazines.

"Sure there's not. Pour me some Dew, would you?"

He doesn't remember falling asleep, but he wakes up the next morning to who he assumes is Mrs. MacDonald coughing up her lungs. They're both on the floor, inches apart but not touching, surrounded by Tastykake wrappers and pictures of Craig Titus and Doug Reiser. He scooches a little closer and kisses Mac awake, which he thinks is pretty gay, even for them.

"Oh, hey. Good morning. What time is it?"

"No idea," Dennis answers. "Early enough for breakfast?"

"Dude. It's always early enough for breakfast."

When they eat, they sit across from each other and both pretend they don't love the way the other looks first thing in the morning.

 

* * *

 

  
Next week at school, classes are all bullshit and Dennis is itching to get out of them, so he goes and finds Mac, and they smoke up in his Range Rover.

It had been annoying to find somewhere covert enough on school grounds to smoke where you could also fit a car, and eventually they just settled for the parking lot behind the school.

"Dennis, this car is nice as shit. Are you sure we should be smoking in here?" It was a fair question. It was an $800,000 car after all.

"No, my dad would cut my dick off if he found out. But I don't care. It's too bright outside to be standing in the sun. I don't want to get a burn."

"Ew. Would he really do that?"

"What?"

"Your dad. Would he actually cut your dick off?"

"What the fuck, Mac? No. He wouldn't actually cut off my dick. It was a figure of speech."

"Oh. Well, good. That'd be weird and pretty lame if your dick got cut off."

"Can we stop talking about my dick getting cut off, please? It's starting to mess with my head a little now."

"Okay. We can talk about your dick staying on your body, then."

"Why do we need to talk about my dick at all?"

"I dunno." He paused. "Maybe I wanna talk about your dick."

It caught Dennis off guard. Mac had never been this forward with him before. This was new territory. Immediately, he focused all his energies on trying to say something, anything sexy.

"Oh. You do?" It seemed to work.

"Yeah. I mean..." Mac looked up at Dennis, directly into his eyes. "If you want me to."

Mac ran his hand slowly up his thigh, trying to drive the point home. Dennis was too nervous  
now to try and be sexy, so he just said the first thing that came into his head out loud.

"S-sure, man."

And then his pants are undone and Mac is stroking his dick through his briefs. He reaches into his underwear and starts tugging slowly and steadily. Awkwardly straddling him in the backseat of the car, he leans in to kiss his neck, and then his jaw, and then his lips. He pulls way and whispers something low in Dennis' ear, he's not really listening well enough to say what. Then they're back to kissing, and in a move of bravado he didn't know he was capable of, he reaches forward and starts rubbing Mac's dick as well. By this point, their movements have all become messy and frantic.

"Dennis?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm gonna uh..."

"Me too. Um... Try not to get it on the seats."

Luckily, Dennis has a just-in-case towel in the glove box of the car, because pretty soon they've both jizzed all over his spotless upholstery.

"Fuck." Mac breathed.

"Fuck," Dennis responded. "I'm gonna have to get my seats cleaned." Mac giggled.

"That too."

 

* * *

 

  
As soon as their relationship passed that sexual threshold, they never went back. And, them being teenage boys, it happened more often than it didn't. Mostly it was just feverish handjobs and messy grinding on Dennis' couch and on Mac's bed and in Dennis' car and in his hot tub and anywhere else you could fit two people and they could be alone. But they stuck hard and fast to the "no sober touching" rule. Otherwise, it was "too gay", and Mac wouldn't let Dennis near him.

One night, Dee was over at Fatty McGoo's house and Frank and Barbara were out of town at some corporate party, so Dennis invited Mac over to watch Top Gun with him. He had a plan that he thought a shirtless, twinky Tom Cruise might be able to help him with.

"Hey, Mac?"

"Yeah Dennis?"

"Who do you think is hotter? Like, objectively speaking. Tom Cruise or Val Kilmer?"

"Are you kidding? Tom Cruise, without a doubt. I mean, his physique is so much better. Kilmer just hasn't got the body mass."

"Ah, I see, I see. Now... who do you think, then, is hotter? Tom Cruise, or me?"

"What are you talking about, Dennis?"

"I mean, do you think I'm hot?"

"Well, yeah, I mean... objectively speaking."

"Well, what about non-objectively speaking? What's your personal opinion? Do you find me attractive?" They were turned to face each other now. He brought one hand to rest on Mac's neck, the other was on his thigh. "Do I turn you on, Mac MacDonald?"

"Dennis, this is a little bit-"

"What, a little gay?" He leaned in, stopping centimetres away from his face. "I know."

The second Dennis kissed him, Mac seemed to forget how to be uncomfortable. Immediately, his hands were all over his back and waist, carding through his hair and pinning him down onto the couch. It was almost funny how easy he was. Soon enough, Mac was already grinding against him. Dennis pushed him off and up into a seated position.

"Now then. Not so fast, baby boy."

Like always, the petname made Mac blush. This was it, now or never time. Though he'd never admit it, Dennis had been practicing keeping his gag reflex under control all week in anticipation of this night. He got down in front of the couch on his knees, reached up, and unbuttoned Mac's jeans.

"You never answered my question."

"W-what?"

"You never gave me a yes or no answer. I won't do anything until you tell me, Mac. Do I turn you on?" A blush crept up on Mac's face like Dennis had never seen before.

"Yes, god damnit, you turn me on. A lot, okay?" He smirked.

"Good."

It wasn't as though Dennis had never seen Mac's dick before, it was just that it looked much more intimidating up this close. Nevertheless, he was determined. He licked his lips, covered his teeth, and slipped almost the whole thing into his mouth. He barely gagged when it started to go down his throat. Looks like toothbrush training was really paying off. Mac was running his fingers through his hair already, tugging lightly on the loose curls. He was only sucking for about 50 seconds before Mac came, hot and violent down his throat. That part, he hadn't been prepared for. It tasted like protein powder and bitter milk, but he'd heard that guys think "spitters are quitters", and there wasn't exactly a garbage can around, so he swallowed it anyway. As Mac struggled to rebutton his pants, Dennis sat back down on the couch with him. To his surprise, Mac got up off the couch and positioned himself in front of Dennis on the floor, seeming to mirror the way he had seen him do it.

"Dude, you don't have to do it back if you don't want to. It's fine."

"No, no... I want to. It's already gay anyway."

Clearly, Mac hadn't put as much practice and thought into it as Dennis had, but it still only took him about a minute and a half to finish.

"Ugh. That shit is disgusting."

"Yeah. It really is."

"Oh shit, Dennis, you gotta rewind. We missed the volleyball scene."

 

* * *

 

  
Over the next few weeks before Summer started, Dee got into the habit of inviting herself along with him, Mac and Charlie. Oddly, Dennis didn't hate having her around, and her and Charlie seemed to get along better than he thought they would. Turned out he also collected those stupid Pog things Dee was always obsessed with.

Her and Mac had the idea to go down to the beach together on the last day of school, which Dennis doesn't get since Dee can't actually swim with her back brace. She insists that if she can't swim, none of them can, so instead, they try to make some sand castles. Mostly though, it just ends up turning into Mac and Dennis sitting on the rocks while Dee tries to make sure Charlie doesn't eat sand. Everyone pretends not to notice that they're holding hands, which Dennis is greatful for since he knows Mac would definitely let go if he knew anyone could see.

After a few hours, the sun goes down and it gets too cold to be near the water. Charlie goes home first, and in a rare moment of familial trust, Dennis lets Dee drive herself home in his Range Rover, so that it's just him and Mac together on the rocks. Dennis thinks it's strangely romantic for the two of them, but he likes it, even if it is terrifying to him. He wonders how scared Mac is.

Mac looks around to make sure no one is watching, and kisses him slow and sweet while the waves crash below them. Dennis asks him to stay the night.

As they walk home, they both recognize their silent agreement. The mood is right, the weather is beautiful, the stress is gone. Tonight is going to be the night.

"Uh, Dennis?"

"Yeah?"

"I call being on top."

"What? You can't just call being on top! Maybe I want to be on top! It's my house, I should get to pick first."

"That is true, but I called it first."

"...Rock, paper, scissors for it?"

They walked into the house, waved hello to Frank and Barbara, and made their way upstairs. Dennis wasn't sure what the protocol was. Do they get into bed and then get naked? Do they get naked first and then get into the bed? Is he gonna need special lube? He finds himself suddenly worried the kind he bought won't be the right one. Mac seems to be ahead of him though, because he's already taken off his clothes and gotten under the blankets.

"Are you okay man? We don't need to do this if you don't want to."

"No, no I'm... I'm fine. I'm just... thinking about lube."

"Oh." That seemed to catch him off guard. "Right. You have some, right?"

"Yeah, I uh... I went out and got some like a week ago. Figured I might need it."

"Okay. Um. Are you gonna get into bed then, or... ?"

"Right, right. Sorry." He hastily shed his clothes and hurried over to the bed where Mac was waiting for him. For a minute, they just laid there, staring at each other. They'd never seen each other naked before.

Mac reached over and pulled him in. They kissed, like they had dozens of times before. Once they were both hard, he rolled Dennis onto his back, and reached for the lube from the bedside table.

Dennis had lost rock, paper, scissors.

"Do I just, uh... put it in, or what?"

"I think you're supposed to put your fingers in first."

"Oh. Well do I put lube on my fingers?"

"Yeah. Don't rip my asshole, dude."

"Okay. I won't. Or, I guess I'll try not to." He lubed up his middle finger, propped Dennis' legs up on his shoulders, and slid it in. At first, it stung. Badly. But the longer it happened, the more used to it he got.

"Okay now, um. Put in another finger I guess."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, man. I'm sure. Just do it."

He lubed up and slid in his other finger. Now that he was more used to it, this was starting to feel good.

"Alright. I think um... I think I'm ready now, so..." He can feel himself starting to tear up. He wills himself not to cry. Not when he'd put so much effort into his makeup. "You can do it now. Put on a condom though, please. There's some in the bedside table." Mac did as instructed and slipped on the condom. It was pre-lubed, but he put more on just in case. Part of Dennis was grateful, another part of him didn't know if he wanted that much liquid near his ass. As soon as Mac slipped his dick inside him, though, he forgot all about liquid or being grateful. All he could focus on was the feeling of Mac in him because, holy shit there was a dick in his ass. And it didn't even feel bad.

Mac got about a thrust and a half in before he was looping his arm around Dennis' leg to reach his cock. Dennis bit down on one of his hands, and with the other one he reached up to cover Mac's mouth. He had almost forgotten that the rest of his family was home, and that Dee was on the other side of the wall no doubt hearing everything. They each lasted about two minutes, which Dennis actually found surprising. At some point, despite his efforts not to, he had started crying anyway. There was mascara on his baby blue pillow case. As soon as he came, Mac flopped his whole body down onto the bed with a thud.

"That... was awesome. Let's do that all the time."

"Okay but... you can't always be on top."

"Goodnight, Den," Mac muttered quietly.

"Night, babe," he responded even quieter.

The next morning, both of Dennis' parents were out of the house before breakfast. He suspected they might have left some time last night. Unfortunately for him, Dee was still home and was up before him.

"Morning."

"Morning, gaylord. Where's your little boyfriend?"

"Sleeping. And I already told you, he's not my boyfriend."

"Uh, last time I checked you don't usually let guys that aren't your boyfriend fuck you in the ass."

"Dee, can you please shut your squawk box for five minutes?"

"Uh, that depends, can you not have gay sex in the room next to mine?"

"Shut up. Just because he slept over doesn't mean we had gay sex."

"Yeah, I know. The fact that he put his dick in you is what means you had gay sex. Dennis, I literally heard all of it. I heard you tell him not to rip your asshole. Do you know how weird that is? To hear your twin brother tell a dude not to rip his asshole?"

"Alright, Dee, god damn it. I'll be quieter next time."

"Good. Also we're out of Cap'n Crunch."

"Dee, you annoying whore."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry


	3. tugboat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dennis comes out like he does everything else, way melodramatically and slightly offensively.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for such a long wait on such a short chapter, life kind of got in the way. anyway i hope you like it and i'm gonna try to get back to updating regularly again.
> 
> there's a few slurs in this, like 2 or 3 uses of the f-slur because dennis is a Problematic Slime Man(TM)
> 
> ALSO i didn't proofread again because i'm garbage i never proofread tbh so

Mac and Dennis aren't dating. Yes, Dennis likes to mess around with dudes and so does Mac, and yes, the dudes they mess around with are each other. But they've never put a label on it, and they've never told anyone else about it, so they're not dating.

And even if they were dating, it's not like it's a rule that Dennis has to tell his family. His parents wouldn't care. But that doesn't mean he wouldn't want to tell them. That wasn't the problem. The problem here was that they weren't dating. So, he didn't appreciate Dee telling everyone that they were.

See, arguments between Dee, Frank and Barbara usually go a little something like this:

Dee does something bad, one of their parents calls her out for it, Dee tries to distract them by bringing Dennis into it.

Today, it had happened over dinner.

"Deeandra, would you care to explain why last night when I came home there was whiskey missing from my liquor cabinet?"

"I don't know, Frank, why don't you ask Dennis about that hickey on his neck that he's trying to hide?"

"What the hell, Dee? Don't bring me into this! I saw Dee stealing from the liquor cabinet and I saw her trying on mom's dresses!"

"Dennis has been smoking pot!"

"Dee's the one who's been eating all the expensive cheese when everyone's asleep, I saw her do it!"

"Pot, mom, that he gets from his drug dealer boyfriend!"

"He's not my boyfriend!"

"They're having sex!"

"Shut up!"

"In this house! Dennis had sex with a drug dealer under this very roof!"

"God damn it, Dee! Shut your mouth!" Dennis pinches the roof of his nose. "Look, none of that is true. I'm not on drugs and Mac isn't a drug dealer. He isn't my boyfriend either, we just hang out."

"Well, that's good." Barbara chimed in through her Xanax haze. "I wouldn't condone it. Not in my house... Not my son..."

Dee looks over at Dennis, almost apologetically. She can see his face getting a little red, his hands getting a little tighter.

"Well, I don't know, Barb. I mean, sure, it's a little weird, but... I say, live and let live."

"Weird? Frank, darling, it's not right. I mean, what kind of man would you have to be to let someone else do that to you?"

Dee looked over to him again. It was a warning this time. She was saying " _don't do it, dumbass_ ".

He did it anyway.

"Do what to you, mom?"

Dee rolled her eyes at him.

"You know what I mean, Dennis."

"Hmmm, not sure I do, mom. Oh, unless you're talking about fucking."

"Language, Dennis!"

"Oh, sorry, I meant intercourse. Is that better? Yeah, you sure would have to be some kind of guy to let another guy pound your ass like that."

"Dennis," Dee chimed in. "Shut up. We're trying to eat dinner." Her eyes were saying _I'd like to see you live past 16_.

"Oh, sorry Dee. Wouldn't want to ruin everyone's nutrition. Everybody knows fags and ham don't mix." He stands up on impulse, and puts no thought into choosing his next words. He's running on pure adrenaline, now. "Guess that means I can't have any. I'll see what's for dinner over at my _drug dealer boyfriend's_ house."

"Dennis, I didn't mean to-"

"No, Dee, it's fine. I guess they had to find out some time anyway, right?"

And then he's gone. He's going way too fast down the street in his Range Rover, paying no attention to where he's going. He doesn't need to pay attention anymore, the route to Mac's has become almost second nature to him. _God_ , he thinks, _I really am a fag_.

Like always, he hadn't noticed himself start to cry until he got to the house. Mac's mom would still be asleep by now, so he opted for the window instead of the door.

"Den? Holy shit dude, what happened? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." He hates the way he sounds through tears. "I just need somewhere to stay tonight, if that's alright."

"Of course, dude." Mac says as he pulls Dennis in through the barely big-enough window. "Do you wanna talk about it, or... ?"

"No. I don't." His crying had settled down now, but he could feel it threatening to resurface. He sat down on Mac's bed, and soon Mac had sat down next to him. He placed one hand on his thigh, and the other on his head. The physical contact immediately turns Dennis into a blubbering mess in Mac's arms. He drives his head into his chest, partly to staunch the flow of his tears, but mostly in an effort to pretend they aren't there.

"I fucking hate my parents."

"It's okay. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

The two of them layed there together in silence for a while, until Dennis' soft sniffling had calmed. When he woke up in the middle of the night, Mac's arms were still wrapped around him. He nuzzled his head back into the crook of Mac's neck, and as he drifted back to sleep, there was only one thought that plagued his mind.

He was fucked. No, it was worse than that.

He was in _love_.


	4. tongue tied

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shit gets real.
> 
> (real gay, that is)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i felt so bad leaving you guys with such a little babyish morsel of a chapter that I cranked this one out too. it's also a lil baby chapter but maybe together they can add up to one full one
> 
> mostly filler. ALSO THERE'S CHARDEE IN THIS CHAPTER YAY
> 
> side note, found out while writing this that america doesn't have french toast crunch or fruitopia??? that's awful i'm sorry

As an apology for what they're now calling the "Gay Dinner Fiasco", Dee tells Dennis she's going to take him to the movies. Dennis invites Mac, because he feels awkward going to the movies with just Dee, and Dee invites Charlie because if Dennis gets to bring a friend, so does she. It just happens to be that her only real friends are Dennis, Mac and Charlie.

They have to go see Space Jam because it's the only movie showing that isn't 18A, and by now the people at the theatres know their faces too well. Then, they figure that they may as well enjoy Michael Jordan playing basketball with cartoon animals, and that the only way to properly do that is to be really, almost dangerously high.

They all sit in the very back row squished into a corner even though the theatre is empty. Dennis keeps running his hand up and down Mac's thigh like he thinks Charlie and Dee don't notice. Charlie keeps 'accidentally' reaching for the popcorn and the same time as Dee and giggling when their hands touch.

Overall, they don't really pay much attention to the movie, just enough to know that there were aliens, Bill Murray was there, and that they won the big basketball game. Which was enough to make it a good movie in Charlie's eyes, but no one else's.

After the movies, they went to Roy Rogers because Mac wanted chicken, and even though none of them really liked Roy Rogers they all stuffed themselves. Mac and Charlie left Dee and Dennis to pay for the food, of course.

Then, before they know it, summer is almost over. Dee is out, supposedly sleeping over at Fatty Magoo's. Dennis knows that she actually went to Charlie's house but he didn't bring it up to her. He'd rather not know what kind of weird sex shit they were getting into together.

With the house being empty, Dennis invites Mac to sleep over. They don't usually get to have sleepovers at Dennis' house, mostly for Dee's sake, so it's always nice for Mac to get to sleep in his expensive, cushiony bed.

They happened to be making out on said expensive, cushiony bed, when Dennis pulled away and looked at him with a strange look on his face.

"What?" Mac asked. "Too much tongue?"

"No, no... your tongue is fine, just..." He covers his mouth, clearly trying to be careful with his word choice. "Are we, y'know... ?"

"Boyfriends?" The word hung in the air like a dead cat.

"Yeah. I guess. Boyfriends."

"Well... Do you want to be? Because, I think it could be cool. I mean, we already do all the boyfriend stuff we just don't really call each other that word, but like I said it could be cool. I've never had a boyfriend, obviously. Or a girlfriend either. And I really think-"

"I think I love you." He stared at Mac, trying to gauge his reaction. "I want you to be my boyfriend because I'm in love with you."

"...I think I love you too."

And there it is. They're boyfriends, they're in love, and they're about to fuck on pure white Egyptian cotton bed sheets. 

Mac tops. Mac always tops, but this time it's different. Usually Dennis is letting him, like it's something he doesn't really like but is willing to do for love. This time, it's his choice. He wants it like this, and they can both tell. It's all slow, deliberate. The lights are on, the window open.

Everything is perfect.

And then he remembers that Charlie Kelly probably just banged his sister on a futon.


	5. the dog days are over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shit gets official
> 
> officially gay that is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry for the wait!! hopefully this chapter is long enough to make up for it. there are 2 uses of the f slur in this chapter
> 
> also i switch tenses so much im sorry im so bad at remembering which tense i'm writing in........

For what's left of the summer, Mac and Dennis are inseperable. Mac's family bathroom acquires a new toothbrush. Sleeveless shirts start finding their way into Dennis' closet. Mac's sock drawer becomes completely engulfed in disgustingly sentimental photobooth pictures. It's as clear as day to anyone who sees them together that they're, well, _together_. In fact, it seems like the only people unaware of just how obvious their relationship is is the boys themselves. So, when school starts again, they try their very best to keep things on the down-low.

Mac shows up wearing one of Dennis' jackets that he left at his house. Both of them are wearing friendship necklaces with each other's initials. They have two classes together a day, during which they sit next to each other in the back, passing ugly pictures they draw of Dee.

At lunch, the gang sits together. Mac and Dennis sit across from each other, of course, as do Charlie and Dee. They all play footsie under the table. Occasionally, Dee will accidentally kick Mac and end up insighting an all out four-way foot war.

Things stay normal and peaceful like this for a staggering week and a half before Mac ends up getting the shit beat out of him.  
  
"You little faggot, I'm gonna punch your fuckin' face into a juice!"

"What? Who are you calling a faggot? I... have sex all the time with tons of girls! I've ever even... looked at a guy for longer than 5 minutes before."  
  
"Shut the fuck up, Rat! You owe me 20 bucks. This shit you sold me isn't even weed! It's catnip!"

"No it isn't."  
  
"Yes, it is. My sister gave it to her cat."  
  
"Maybe the cat just has a high tolerance."  
  
"I didn't pay $20 to get my sister's cat high. You wasted my money. Now I'm going to break every single one of your bones."  
  
Seeing no plausible way out of a fight, Mac stepped forward, squared his shoulders, and delivered what he thought was a very good comeback.  
  
"Okay, it was catnip. But I only sold it to you... Because... because you're such a pussy! ...Get it? Because catnip is... Pussy is another name fo- Ow, fuck!"  
The guy, whoever he was, was on top of Mac, punching him over and over again in the stomach and the face. Dennis, who had been set to meet Mac here after school, saw his boyfriend getting the life beat out of him and decided to step in the only way he knew how; by kicking at the guy on top of him wildly.  
  
"Ow, what the fuck? Did you just kick me in the eye? Who the hell does that?"  
  
"Me, bitch."  
  
Dennis stood, admiring his handiwork for about 2 and a half seconds before he, too, was punched directly in his face. Not to be deterred, he whipped a can of pepper spray out of his satchel and blasted him in the face with it.  
  
"Mac, run!"  
  
The big guy, incapacitated by the pepper spray, crumbled to the ground clutching at his eyes. As Mac ran away to safety, Dennis kicked the other guy a couple times before escaping himself.  
  
"Dude. You saved my life."  
  
"Yeah, I did. What did that guy want with you? Did you sell him some random green shit in a bag and tell him it was weed?"  
  
"No. Maybe. It doesn't matter. What matters is that I would probably be dead right now if you hadn't've saved me. Thank you." Mac looked around to make sure no one was there, then planted a big kiss on Dennis' forehead.  
  
"Gross, dude. You got your blood on my face." Mac's only response was to laugh and do it again.  
  
"Actually, now that I think about it, you're bleeding a lot. We should probably get you to a hospital."  
  
"Yeah, I can't feel my body."  
  
"Like... your whole body?" Mac nods. "That's probably not good. I'll take you to the ER, just... Try not to bleed on my seats."

* * *

  
A week later, they both had black eyes, and the rumor mill had inevitably started running. The story, according to school gossip, was that Mac and Dennis had been spotted holding hands and attacked for being gay.  
  
"This is bullshit, dude! Everyone thinks I'm gay!"  
  
"Mac, you are gay. You have sex with my brother almost every day."  
  
"Shut up, Dee! Just because I have sex with dudes and don't like chicks doesn't mean I'm gay."  
  
"I think that's exactly what it means."  
  
"Charlie, you're supposed to be on my side! What happened to best friendship, man?"  
  
"I am on your side Mac, but me being on your side doesn't make you not gay. You're super gay. You always have been super gay."  
  
"I have not!"  
  
"Remember in the fourth grade when you punched Richie Mathis for saying that Rob Lowe had an ugly face?"  
  
"Liking Rob Lowe's face doesn't mean you're gay, it just means you have eyes!"  
  
"Okay, just to interject here, I would've punched the kid too."  
  
"Thank you, Dennis!"  
  
"Why are you saying thank you? That doesn't help you at all! Dennis isn't straight either!"  
  
"Look, none of this matters. I don't care what other people think of me. Y'know? I couldn't care less."  
  
"Dennis, other people's opinions of you are the only things you care about."  
  
"Hey, that's not true! Dennis cares about me."  
  
"Okay, in this particular situation, I don't care what people think of me. They already know I'm not straight, anyway. So, whatever. It's fine."  
  
"It's eating you up inside, isn't it?"  
  
"God damnit, Dee, of course it is! Everybody thinks I got beat up! I was the knight in shining armour saving the day! Nobody wants to beat me up, I'm Dennis Reynolds for Christ's sake! I could own these people!"  
  
"Well, you did get punched in the face."  
  
"Yeah, and didn't you just take the guy down with pepper spray? I mean it's not like you actually fought him."  
  
"No, he also kicked him in the eye."  
  
"The eye? What the fuck, Dennis?"  
  
"I thought it was cool."  
  
"Shut up! Everybody calm down and shut up! This is fine. It's going to be fine. We just need to lay low and not draw too much attention to ourselves. This will all blow over in a week or so."  
  
"Yeah, then everyone will stop thinking I'm gay."  
  
"Sure, Mac. That too."

* * *

  
As it turns out, it already had all blown over. It just so happened that no one actually cared about Ronnie the Rat getting beat up since it happened at least once a month. Besides that, everyone already assumed that Mac and Dennis were dating from the fact that they wore each other's clothes and held hands under their desks when they thought no one was looking.  
  
It had taken a while and a lot of Bible study for Mac to get used to the fact that everyone in his school knew he was gay. He still wasn't going to tell his mom, and he would certainly never ever tell his dad, but the idea of random kids knowing wasn't so bad to him. Eventually, he started getting comfortable enough to hold hands with Dennis in the halls. Dennis, who had been looking for a good way to come out as bi since the ninth grade, took full advantage of this comfort and started walking Mac to all his classes.  
  
The gang all attended the first football game of the year together. They're all high, so none of them are paying any attention to the actual sport, but they all have a good time. Mac decides he's going to kiss Dennis every time their team scores a touchdown, but they only end up scoring twice, so he does it every time the other team does. Charlie brings along a big ugly blanket to protect from the Fall weather and wraps himself and Dee up in it.  
  
Before they know it, it's Halloween. Mac and Charlie want to go trick or treating, but Dee and Dennis convince them that they're all too old. Instead, they buy four buckets of candy, one for each of them, and stay at Charlie's house watching scary movies.  
  
The twins, being avid horror movie buffs, barely flinch when the teenage girls start getting their heads chopped off with hatchets. Mac can barely look whenever there's blood on the screen, and him and Charlie both jump whenever the smallest noises happen. At first, Dennis is annoyed by the constant movement and squealing. Then, when Mac starts latching on to his waist for comfort and safety, the whole situation becomes more agreeable.  
  
After Halloween comes Thanksgiving. They all go back over to Charlie's house, because apparently him and Mac have had Thanksgiving dinner together every year since they were 6. Charlie's mom wipes all their dishes down three times with napkins before they can use them even though they're already clean, and she makes them all sanitize their hands before eating. Mac makes everyone join hands to say grace, Mrs. Kelly makes them sanitize again, and they finally start eating.  
  
Charlie has a bad habit of always talking with his mouth full, and of mixing all his food together into a horrendous pileup on his plate. It's something Mac and Dee have gotten used to, but that Dennis doesn't think he'll ever be able to move past. At some point during the dinner, the conversation turns into a fight over who could do the best turkey impression. Dee refuses to participate, but still wins. Charlie is eliminated because he doesn't actually know what sound a turkey makes and keeps just doing pigeon noises.

After dinner, Mrs. Kelly falls asleep after drinking too much wine, and the kids all sit on the couch and watched a Charlie Brown special on the tv. Sitting nestled with the gang in Charlie's living room, Dennis realised he and Dee had never had a Thanksgiving like this before. Frank and Barbara usually just left them $20 for pizza and disappeared.  
  
He decided he could get used to spending more of his holidays like this.


	6. angel in the snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the end!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello. thank you all for sticking with this story. i'm sorry it's taken me so long to update, i just wanted to end it off on the best note i could. this chapter is short and sweet. i hope you enjoy it.

Being in love with Mac is probably the easiest thing Dennis has ever done. 

After the initial shock wears off, Dennis' parents calm down and let him have Mac over to the house sometimes. They end up leaving town for Christmas, so him and Dee invite Mac and Charlie over and use the money Frank and Barb left to order pizza. Mac insists that they pray over the meal, and makes sure to take extra time out to say a quick happy birthday to Jesus, and Charlie ends up rolling all his slices into tubes before he eats them.

They sit and eat on the couch, tuning in to the Power Rangers Christmas Special. At some point during the episode, Charlie asks them which Power Ranger is their favourite, and they all give a different answer at the exact same time. They spend the next four hours arguing, Mac insisting that the Black Ranger is the most badass, Dennis rebutting that the Red Ranger is obviously the best since he's the leader. Dee likes the Green one, since he's got the coolest costume, and Charlie mumbles out some incomprehensible argument as to why Pink is obviously the best. Something to do with pterodactyls being " _the bird of the dinosaurs_ ".

The two of them sleep over that night. Dee pretends not to hear Dennis and Mac bang, Dennis pretends not to hear her and Charlie. The next morning, they're still fighting over Power Rangers. Dennis is happier than he's been in a long time.

Next week, the four of them attend a New Years party together. It's one of those "no invitations required" type of affairs, which is good because they've never really been invited anywhere. Dennis drinks a whole bottle of rosé and when Mac kisses him in front of everyone his whole body feels so fuzzy that he starts to cry. Mac just kisses him more, Dennis' mascara and tears smudging all over his clean-shaven face.

They go out, at some point near midnight, to go smoke together on the porch. Everyone else stays inside, and sitting outside, drunk, sweaty, and alone with his boyfriend, Dennis feels at peace. He watches the snow fall from the sky, floating down and landing softly in Mac's puffy hair. (He had stopped gelling it back shortly after they got together, on Dennis' request.) He laughs at something Dennis must not have heard, and his smile crinkles at the corner of his eyes. He became so entranced that he hardly heard it when he

spoke.

"Oh, shit," Mac slurs. "The ball is gonna drop soon. Do you want to go inside?"

"No," Dennis replies softly. "I want to stay out here... With you."

When the ball drops and 1993 comes to a close, Dennis kisses Mac and Mac smiles drunkenly up against his mouth. They hear a cheer from the inside, and he can almost make out the words "Happy New Years" among the shouting.

He pretends, for just a moment, that the cheering is for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to everyone who has been with this story since the beginning, thank you. it means a lot to me. to everyone else, thank you, too. without readers this story would have just floated around in space for a while, and i probably would have never updated.


End file.
